The "Dark" Sides to One's Personality....

I've always explored my "dark" sides/selves. The things I'm insecure about, the things I fear on a deeper level - no I'm not talking about spiders or something... I'm talking like existential angst/dread. I used to go on a site. I stopped pursuing it, but had one fond memory of a conversation I had with someone....

He asks me if I have a boyfriend/am actively seeking a serious relationship. I answer no. Further into the conversation he says that if I am seeking a relationship, I must fix any "personality" flaws/insecurities. To quote "Some people get into relationships thinking their problems will be fixed - but they only amplify them". From experience - an extremely vivid one - this is 100 percent true.

See, this past year has been chaotic for me. Relationships, feelings, school, friendships, family shit - all one big mess. But here I'll talk about "relationships" that have proven that quote to be true...

I've discovered a few "dark, possibly twisted" flaws. Weird unacceptable things that sexually arouse me. So what? Doesn't everyone? And I particularly love exposing my dark side to people that I feel could relate.

Well this year I learned that I not only adore the possessive trait, but I, myself am possessive. When it comes to personal development I believe there are a few rules to follow. You either cultivate specific qualities you desire for the betterment of you, "work on" undesired qualities, and "heal" or accept specific traits. Sure I could work on that possessive trait, and one day it'll go away but it won't. I don't want it to...

I'm not sure if the things that arouse me are "weird" but I know that if someone were to brush my hair, or hearing the sound of a partner breathing heavily turns me on, or a car crash.... the sound of a roaring engine, cemeteries turn me on, omg I know I sound crazy. There are other things but I would rather not talk about it here, they're more.. morbid than car crashes and cemeteries  lol.....

People have the impression I'm a good girl. Which may or may not be true. But most people can't see the fire in my eyes waiting to be played with.......Most people can't see the desire in my eyes, and when they do - I deny it...

I'm still on the possessive thing... I'd love to get into an argument with someone.. I'm going on, then they push me up against a wall, get up in my space - his face cms away from mine. He tells me I talk too much, and I need to shut up for five minutes to let him talk. I'm intrigued, but still pissed... Either way we end up in a bed, my legs spread wide open waiting for him to insert his solid rock hard cock into me.... While he pounds away.. you could hear that sound... how wet it is. There must be some kind of pride a man feels from knowing and internalizing the fact that he's the man who made his woman's pussy so wet - he was/is the cause...... I'm screaming and moaning without a care in the world... my lips parted and he practically forces me to say I'm all his...

This is all unfortunate. I wish I could have someone... someone I could spread my legs wide open for and they could feel how wet they make me with their hard cock pounding me. Wish I could wrap my lips around my boyfriend's cock, look up at him and tell him how much I love his cock and him. Then get up and ride his cock and tell him he's all mine, and I'm all his. Hey... I've never been on top.. I've never done it before. I want to try so badly....

I'm like a flower that hasn't been watered/missing the sunlight and I'm slowly dying - but surviving.. somehow. I yearn for someone to touch my body, my mind, heart and soul. Stimulate all those things. Honestly, I think I went off track LOL, but the truth is right now I am so wet in this bed alone and I wish someone special would put his hand under my pj bottoms, and slowly insert their fingers inside me while I grab his cock getting ready to suck it as the sun rises... :) whoever I end up with.. once he gets it, I'm his - no takebacks. Gona love him for life, not leaving his side.

Comments

  1. Anonymous4/22/2018

    Dammmmmnmmnnm that's HOT

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brent4/26/2018

    I'm single

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PG4/27/2018

      Haha, wanna start a club then? :P

      Delete
    2. Brent4/28/2018

      We don't need to start a club just be my gf

      Delete
  3. Tv_page4/29/2018

    I can't help you with counter trolling but would if I could. I saw your Quora page and you are so beautiful. I can see the yearning in your face how you want a special someone to make love with. You'll find him Pheebz. When you said you wanna suck your guy's dick tell him you love him, that caught me in the feels. You seem real sweet any guy would be lucky to be with you. Honest :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PG5/02/2018

      Thanks, that means a lot to me.

      Delete
  4. Dan4/29/2018

    Thought she already did cus in one post she said she was ready for a relationship and the only way well know is if she disappeared from us. 5 months gone, yu find someone ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. None of your business4/30/2018

      Never saw this side of you. You never talked much about sex. Why now? I see your tweets and you've been sexual ever since you went abroad. Did something happen there?

      Delete
    2. Ari4/30/2018

      Wow yea I didn't expect to read that from you! That was a fancy trip to Europe, how do you afford these things at like 22? Swear a hotel in front of that tower thing would not be cheap at all. Heard german guys were sexy aF! Did you get to meet any or did you go to europe to see that boy you were drooling over?

      Delete
    3. Benjamin5/01/2018

      I think she did. Think about it: she says she's ready for a relationship. Disappears for 5 months than goes to Europe. Yeahhh she did. Are you going to tell us about it?

      Delete
    4. PG5/02/2018

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    5. Benjamin5/02/2018

      Are you sure you're 22? Most 22 year olds don't apologize for shit like that or even admit it. There's this receptionist at my job your age and all she talks about is how many likes she got on a duck selfie. Shows how strong and mature you are. Btw when I was reading what you wrote I realize why I bugged you so much about him. So if my ex girlfriend has a clone, it's you! The way you wrote about him was the way my ex treated me. Like I was the world to her, she made me feel like the only guy in the world. Finally felt loved. I just turned 30 and I have a good paying job as a back end developer and girls don't pay attention to me. I'm not good looking either. I'm below average looking, average body. I dated other girls but this one was special and our love was intense. She gave me something a girl never gave me. Shes charming just like you. Sorry things didn't work out I won't bug you again but I guess reading what you wrote about him got me reliving the past memories with her. It's been nine months and still not over her and I don't wanna let go. When I finally had her I pushed her away because I was scared and didn't feel good enough for her. Also trying to show I wasn't too eager. She left me and I'm too scared to talk to her. You're right about taking a chance but what about rejection? We have some mutual friends and they say she misses me but I don't want my heart broken again. I don't know why I still love her. Can you maybe help me, give me an explanation? I would kill to have my ex back, the way she looked at me, how she made me feel so loved. You said you were cynical, I wasn't after I fell in love with her. She looked at me like I was her world, almost like I was her hero. For once when I was with her she actually made me feel attractive. So yea I guess that's why I kept pushing. You remind me of her. But I wont bring it up again. Is there anything going on in your life, I know you were into glitches in the matrix

      Delete
    6. Anonymous5/02/2018

      100% . It was how passionate u were about him. Could almost feel it too, rotfl

      Delete
    7. PG5/03/2018


      Thanks for sharing that. So what did she give you that no other girl did? And no one said you had to let go. May sound strange but if you aren't ready/can't - then don't. No problem with that. I feel like society teaches us all this stuff about if we're still holding onto these past relationships, it makes us weak. I suppose it does - if you buy into that. Go at your own pace.

      You haven't spoke to her for nine months, I guess feelings don't have a time limit - do they?! Haha! If you feel so strongly about her, then give it a try. Okay there's rejection. But I'd prefer that than not knowing. It's killing you - isn't it? I don't mean to be a party pooper, but think of it... Time flies by quickly, and next thing you know, you're 43. I know this guy who has been obsessed with my mother since I was seven years old. I'm 22 now. I picked up my landline and asked him why he has been calling ever since. His reply: I know I screwed up but... I just want to know....",

      Although it is obvious what my mother's answer would be but most people just need to hear it point blank. Agh, I hate to say this but you don't want to be this guy. Maybe your ego is telling you otherwise, but you have to let go of your ego when it comes to taking chances. Trust me, you do not want to be this dude. No one does. Go into the situation with the mindset "I just want to see how she is/let's just sees where things go". Repeat (possibly excessively) if required to muster up some courage. If you really think of fear, it's sort of like this little nagging thing that's super annoying. You're really going to allow this nagging thing to cloud your judgement? Makes you feel pathetic doesn't it. You're scared - but do it anyways. Maybe she's waiting for you to contact her. From her point of view, she may not understand why you were acting the way you were, thus preventing her from contacting you. Maybe she's tired of trying and has given up on you. Gotta look at this situation from her point of view as well.

      As for an "explanation", there is none. Except this: love has no logic, and the heart will want what it wants. So stop fighting it - -and accept it. Sorry buddy, I could tell you all this crap about it being chemicals releasing themselves, you're just projecting etc. There is love beyond projection, that would be seeing the person for who they truly are, and still wanting to stick around. And if she is the only person who does this for you, then go with that. I know this may sound hard but try not to put too much thought into it when you text her. Don't have any "goals" - adapt a "Casual" mindset.

      Delete
    8. PG5/03/2018

      BUT you can take everything I said with a grain of salt. You have your own free will, and you know what's best for you. I was just giving you my two-cents (since you asked for it). Good luck with everything!

      Delete
    9. Chris5/03/2018

      Ur all good and mature but don't lie u would ryde his dick in a minute. I'd let you do mine but you sound like you'd need to fuck 5 X a day, I don't have that kind of stamina anymore;)

      Delete
    10. PG5/03/2018

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    11. PG5/03/2018

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    12. Anonymous5/03/2018

      Now ur just tryna mess w our heads.... but damn. I'll b ur bf. U seem legit amazinggg !!

      Delete
    13. Benjamin5/03/2018

      Ok... That went way off topic. Ahem. I'm still here. You give sound advice but everytime I'm about to send a text off I freeze. What should I do?

      Delete
    14. Benjamin5/03/2018

      Also thinking about how random it would be.

      Delete
    15. fuck5/04/2018

      ... u have issues

      Delete
    16. PG5/04/2018

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    17. Chris5/04/2018

      Mmm ur so yummy. So glad it didn't work out between u too. Butttt since im a good guy, if it's any comfort from a male pov, he prob deleted ur number but regrets it and misses tf outta you. Hes prob miserable without u babe. Most dudes act like they don't give a shit and keeps telling himself ur a crazy bitch specially since u said u lashed out at him. His heart is prb aching knowing ur prob fucking other guys that arent him or going out with other men specially since you can get with whoever u wanted. Trust me im a seasoned expert on heartbreak ;s Sucks for him, but good for me and u trust me, he has nothin g on me, we'd look better together;)

      Delete
    18. Anonymous5/04/2018

      Didn't she cheat on her ex with this guy?

      Delete
    19. PG5/05/2018

      Never. I SAID I was supposed to support him with something important to him - and forgot. I WAS NOT with him. And, if I was with my ex at that point in time - I would have not spent time with him. Not my style.

      Delete
    20. Benjamin5/06/2018

      Hey I'm thinking about texting that girl. But I don't know what to say so it won't sound random. Wouldn't you think it was creepy and random if that guy from european texted you? I ask my other friends but they tell me to move on, I'm getting desperate. I love her and can't live without her, my life doesn't make sense without her. Could you give me some words of encouragement? I think it's awesome hearing some stuff from someone who isn't telling me to get over it.

      Delete
    21. Logan5/06/2018

      Wow I wanted to check up on ya after all this time and your slutiness got worse. Why don't you jus be in a gang bang while your at it. Here's her number fellas so you can live up to your whore potential. Fuck all these hungry twats in the comments and on you're blog
      +1 647 703 5861
      Stupid whore, what did you even do in Europe fuck that guy, ? Does he own your pussy? Your such a fucking slut. You probably fucked a million guys in Europe

      Delete
    22. Logan5/06/2018

      Everyone call this bitch up so she can prove she's a fuckin slut. So when your in europe did you fuck him then suck his dick and taste what your cum on his dick taste like? Don't think I didn't see those deleted comments. Honestly your such a nasty whore. You wanna get on your knees and give him a blowjob. Rotfl. So did you go there so he could claim your pussy? Does this mean he owns it now? What a lucky twat he gets your lips sucking it, and what you tell him how much he means to you while you suck his dick?? But your back now so he can wait his turn because Idgaf about him. Jus wonderin how much I can make you scream, maybe I can record it and send it too him so we can compare who fucks you better. But we all know it's me. I'm a police constable, I would come arrest you and force you to come with me and you'll telling people I'm a crook but your the crook. So I'll take you and fuck you til you can't walk no more. I dunno why any guy thinks he could have you, you shouldnt have gone to Europe because I'm fucken pissed this twat may have stolen what was mine. We're gona have a talk today Idc what your doing. I'm fucken pissed off. Your such a slut I hope you get kidnapped and sold off. But I guess u already sold yourself off to this European fucking bitch. I hope you get raped

      Delete
    23. Logan5/06/2018

      What does you're pussy taste like. I want you to sit on my face. I can be the guy who's dick you suck and you tell me you love me. I don't have a problem with it

      Delete
    24. Anonymous5/06/2018

      Yup you make me wanna arrest the PO LICE. Another example of a dumb cop using his power for no good. You sound like a rapist too

      Delete
    25. r.a5/06/2018

      Yea that's a rapist right there. There's no hope for the policing system here, we've hit rock bottom.

      Delete
    26. Anonymous5/06/2018

      I'm not normally a possessive dbag but the thought of possessing a girl I love gives power to my source.. B) think I kinda dig this

      Delete
    27. Jorg S5/06/2018

      Does he own it??

      Delete
    28. PG5/06/2018

      Hey Benjamin,
      First, every beginning is random isn't it? It could be the start of a fresh new relationship with her. If she says no, then it is the start of closure. At best, the two of you could have a friendship. Just see where this thing goes! I think the point is just to get something started. If she asks why you're messaging her after all this time - be honest. Say something like you've been thinking about her. If she doesn't ask, then it's your choice if you want to share with her why you are calling/texting.

      If it is true you say she is my "clone" then she may appreciate it. Second, no I wouldn't think it was random or weird. To be very honest, it would be nice -but I doubt it. Therefore I've given up on him. I tried and don't know why I should if he doesn't want to. I can understand why the chain is on his door! However, when someone sets boundaries - respect them. It's true I still think about him, and would've gone to the ends of the earth because to me that's what he was worth. Anyways, I've learned to accept and learn from my past mistakes so it does not affect my future as a person, lover and friend. So, when I meet someone, I won't do the same stupid things. :)

      Third: no of course I won't tell you to get over it haha. It's not easy to just "get over someone". I really hope things work out between the two of you! Words of encouragement... Well, I think the first thing would be to brutally honest with yourself, what you want. Which I think you've already done. Best to admit to her your "faults". There are a few things I tell myself when pursuing something that scares me.
      It's now or never.
      If I want to run away due to fear, I ask myself if I would regret it.

      But forget about everything I've said for a minute. The things you've said about her were powerful. Go with it.

      Delete
    29. PG5/06/2018

      "Logan" you are acting very immature; and I don't appreciate what you're saying. We are both adults here. Come back when you are ready to act grown up. Have a nice day.

      Delete
  5. Anonymous4/30/2018

    For real if I lived in Canada I'd claim your heart & pussy right now. Damn that got me hard. I would want my woman loyal, looking for my forever woman. What's your number?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/30/2018

      What are these trolls saying about you? I'll handle these idiots.

      Delete
    2. PG5/02/2018

      Doesn't matter anymore - they'll be a part of my summer marketing campaign. :)

      Delete
  6. Sean5/01/2018

    Are you guys forgetting "she" said she's aroused by things more morbid than car crashes or graveyards. What is more morbid than that? Are you a pedophile or turned on by murder? That picture on Quora is not you. There must be a site where callous perverts go to find catfish photos of beautiful women. I think you're a sadistic man in his forties who goes on the internet with a dangerous poetic alluring aura, luring people in for whatever nefarious reason in your sick mind, possibly to sell that dirty book of yours. You should return the fake pictures to the owner of them. An innocent 18-20 y/o, maybe even 17, doesn't know an obscene pedophile is using her picture. That or you must be a very overweight or unattractive person. Both still identity theft. Will not work on me. Return to the original user/woman in photo. One day you will be caught.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PG5/02/2018

      Lol not identity theft if the person in the picture is me.

      Delete
  7. Anonymous5/01/2018

    Da fuck! I was not ready for that !! Swear to god. I would stay away from you Lmao you're the kinda girl guys might try to mess around with then get addicted to lmaoo No thanks !! Plus if your so horny why don't you just go out on a whim and fuck every guy you want ??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PG5/02/2018

      Darling, I'm Holding out for the right guy.... I don't want just anyone to hold..

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/03/2018

      Well who you wanna hold???

      Delete
  8. Chris5/03/2018

    You need to get fucked hard don't you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PG5/04/2018

      Absolutely. I deserve it.

      Delete
    2. Chris5/05/2018

      Would you fuck other guys if you were in a real serious relationship

      Delete
    3. PG5/06/2018

      Not a chance.

      Delete
  9. Anonymous5/03/2018

    Isn't bad publicity good publicity?
    Did anyone contact you yet? I saw your pic and don't get me wrong, you are seriously pretty but I agree it looks really cat fish/fake. I won't even begin to guess what your background is. Show us more pics and we'll believe you're not some cat fish. 1) The pic = too pretty. 2) You talk like you're a 50 year old, especially with your taste in music but have the libido of a 20 year old so best to post more pics of you. I'm trying to solve this mystery.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ari5/03/2018

      I was thinking Greek!! Didn't she say she had work done! Can you show before and after pics please

      Delete
    2. PG5/06/2018

      Haha, no I am far from Greek. I'm Asian. I may post some pictures. :-)
      As for the publicity thing, yes I suppose so. I even "liked" something negative said about me - was very.... interesting.

      Delete
  10. Class5/03/2018

    What happened to your marriage ? Tbh ya sound like ud make a great gf but i feel like if youd slip and cheat easily w.o a care in the world. True right? :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. fuck5/04/2018

      ...how you gona make your future bf feel secure tht you wont cheat on him. u can fuck ten blokes right now if u felt like it. or is that why you take so long to reply

      Delete
    2. PG5/05/2018

      Thank you for the suggestion but I don't feel like "fucking 10 blokes" - I'd rather one... ;-)

      .....And ruin my chances/relationship with someone I care/love for someone who means nothing to me? .... Not a chance.

      Delete
  11. KG5/04/2018

    Oh! Thought you were the dominant kind!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Karim is not your friend5/04/2018

    Karim is not your friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PG5/05/2018

      Haha! I like that you put it in for your name as well lol :P

      Delete
  13. Anonymous5/05/2018

    Didn't you meet some guys in Europe?

    ReplyDelete

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