Becoming The Person They Hate (pt 1)
It's 5:30 A.M. I'm studying and repeating ridiculous business terms that are pretentious. I took a break around midnight and asked Logan if he wanted to come over to watch some show he's been talking about. We didn't do that. We sat on my balcony and talked instead. The tone of the conversation was .. base. It became dark very quickly. First, I asked him if he's ever killed anyone. (If you're new here - he's a cop). He shushs me, just in case anyone was outside. I tried to reassure him no one was outside.
A few seconds later, the scent of cigarette smoke filled the air. I smirked. I knew who it was - my neighbour. Most likely the shy teenage boy. He obviously doesn't smell it - he was too immersed discussing his career. As I inhale the scent of the cigarette - I stood up. My balcony oversees many of my neighbour's yards. I tried to subtly see if I could spot him. I didn't. He was probably on the side of his house smoking. This made my heart pound. This was my chance to shine, and show off how much of an awful person I truly am. Logan finishes speaking and asks "Why would you ask such a crazy question? Have you?"
"I want to." He chuckles and tells me to stop fucking around. "I've always fantasized about cold blooded murder. It's so seductive. It's the ultimate fantasy of mine." He asks me if this is sexual, and I told him it could be. I know my neighbour is standing by the side of his house listening to all of this. Logan looks disturbed. He didn't even hear my neighbour let out a light cough.
If you haven't already caught on - BA is the guy from "Dear Extravagant Life" post on my Manipulative bitch blog. Of course I had to change and remove a lot of things from the post to show there wasn't anything that serious. (Why?So I would fit the persona of the "player" Otherwise I'd be deemed as a fraud). Anyways, yes he was a dick. Now he's a pussy.
Going back to the story... I shared the rest of the wine throwing story that I skinny dipped and all that. The week we were in the process of breaking up, I became everything he hated. He hated that I would go out and come back at 2 am. Okay, I'll be back at 3 am. He hated certain things I did and wore, and I wore it. He hated that I was non committal (according to the many men who wanted relationships), and I rubbed it in his face. BA wanted to do all this fancy bullshit, and hated that I wanted to do certain outdoor things. If we were to go to the lake, it would have to be on his stupid boat. I hung out with his neighbours and went on their boat instead. And of course all of you know of the night excursions with his car. Logan looks both pissed off and jealous and I know the neighbour is still listening.
He goes on to say "I thought you changed."
"I have, do you want me to show you?" He asks me how, and I was feeling a little frisky. I told him I wanted him to "fuck me right here on my balcony." He tells me to shut up, and I say "I have another way you can shut me up." He was frozen, both physically and mentally. I know he had no idea where all of this was coming from. I didn't know either. He was going to refuse sex - I knew it. I wanted to step it up a notch but Logan was getting pissed off. Meaningful sex is what he wants. (And don't me wrong - I do too. But sometimes I'd want a partner to spin me around and you know the rest of that story ;) I know it's not the love making, but we need to express our primal selves too! That can be love making too).
He said it was way too cold and I told him we could make things hot. I know my neighbour is still listening and honestly I was getting off on it.
Once I snap out of it, I remembered Logan saying "I thought you changed." Things are quiet and I told him "I haven't changed. And you certainly won't be the person to change me." I get why men want to change me. Logan told me "I wasn't being myself". And that I needed to sleep. I scoffed and told him he doesn't know shit about what I need. He asked me what I needed and I told him I'd shut up if he just took me right here on the balcony. I can hear moving from my neighbour's side and Logan heard it this time too. He pauses and before he opens up his mouth to reply and I say "or can you not handle all this?"
A few seconds later, the scent of cigarette smoke filled the air. I smirked. I knew who it was - my neighbour. Most likely the shy teenage boy. He obviously doesn't smell it - he was too immersed discussing his career. As I inhale the scent of the cigarette - I stood up. My balcony oversees many of my neighbour's yards. I tried to subtly see if I could spot him. I didn't. He was probably on the side of his house smoking. This made my heart pound. This was my chance to shine, and show off how much of an awful person I truly am. Logan finishes speaking and asks "Why would you ask such a crazy question? Have you?"
"I want to." He chuckles and tells me to stop fucking around. "I've always fantasized about cold blooded murder. It's so seductive. It's the ultimate fantasy of mine." He asks me if this is sexual, and I told him it could be. I know my neighbour is standing by the side of his house listening to all of this. Logan looks disturbed. He didn't even hear my neighbour let out a light cough.
If you haven't already caught on - BA is the guy from "Dear Extravagant Life" post on my Manipulative bitch blog. Of course I had to change and remove a lot of things from the post to show there wasn't anything that serious. (Why?So I would fit the persona of the "player" Otherwise I'd be deemed as a fraud). Anyways, yes he was a dick. Now he's a pussy.
Going back to the story... I shared the rest of the wine throwing story that I skinny dipped and all that. The week we were in the process of breaking up, I became everything he hated. He hated that I would go out and come back at 2 am. Okay, I'll be back at 3 am. He hated certain things I did and wore, and I wore it. He hated that I was non committal (according to the many men who wanted relationships), and I rubbed it in his face. BA wanted to do all this fancy bullshit, and hated that I wanted to do certain outdoor things. If we were to go to the lake, it would have to be on his stupid boat. I hung out with his neighbours and went on their boat instead. And of course all of you know of the night excursions with his car. Logan looks both pissed off and jealous and I know the neighbour is still listening.
He goes on to say "I thought you changed."
"I have, do you want me to show you?" He asks me how, and I was feeling a little frisky. I told him I wanted him to "fuck me right here on my balcony." He tells me to shut up, and I say "I have another way you can shut me up." He was frozen, both physically and mentally. I know he had no idea where all of this was coming from. I didn't know either. He was going to refuse sex - I knew it. I wanted to step it up a notch but Logan was getting pissed off. Meaningful sex is what he wants. (And don't me wrong - I do too. But sometimes I'd want a partner to spin me around and you know the rest of that story ;) I know it's not the love making, but we need to express our primal selves too! That can be love making too).
He said it was way too cold and I told him we could make things hot. I know my neighbour is still listening and honestly I was getting off on it.
Once I snap out of it, I remembered Logan saying "I thought you changed." Things are quiet and I told him "I haven't changed. And you certainly won't be the person to change me." I get why men want to change me. Logan told me "I wasn't being myself". And that I needed to sleep. I scoffed and told him he doesn't know shit about what I need. He asked me what I needed and I told him I'd shut up if he just took me right here on the balcony. I can hear moving from my neighbour's side and Logan heard it this time too. He pauses and before he opens up his mouth to reply and I say "or can you not handle all this?"
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