Different Identities

I've always explored my "dark" sides/selves. The things I'm insecure about, the things I fear on a deeper level - no I'm not talking about spiders or something... I'm talking like existential angst/dread. I used to go on a site. I stopped pursuing it, but had one fond memory of a conversation I had with someone.... He asks me if I have a boyfriend/am actively seeking a serious relationship. I answer no. Further into the conversation he says that if I am seeking a relationship, I must fix any "personality" flaws/insecurities. To quote "Some people get into relationships thinking their problems will be fixed - but they only amplify them". From experience - an extremely vivid one - this is 100 percent true. See, this past year has been chaotic for me. Relationships, feelings, school, friendships, family shit - all one big mess. But here I'll talk about "relationships" that have proven that quote to be true... I've disco...

Two months ago I took a spontaneous trip to Europe. The primary reason this blog is back up. Four cities were in my itinerary: Berlin, Vienna, Paris, & Milan - respectively. I have family and/or friends in Vienna and Milano  - therefore I had limitations in exploring different identities/roles. Regardless of my restrictions - I managed to play around with different roles. Anyway, I've decided to document the role(s) in each city I played. I wanted to go in order, but in Berlin there weren't many or even any roles played... Except maybe adapting to any perceived cultural differences - but I didn't observe much, compared to North American culture... I do feel like the Germans I've come into contact with were very well spoken/mannered... a.k.a.... classy. :P My trip was a total of 11 days. I went back to my hometown for two weeks, desperately missed Europe and begged my family to purchase me a ticket back. They did not want to fund my accommodation - and rightfully ...

Hey, it's been a while.... Been busy but wanted to share a hilarious story with you guys. The other day I was at Starbucks with my 9 year old cousin. She's such a brat... I order a drink - guy asks me what my name is.. I say "x"... Bratty cousin says "NO !! IT'S ____" Ruined my efforts to start this blog up again!!

On Saturday night at around 3 a.m I received a phone call from an unknown number. This person told me Logan was in a fight that landed him in the hospital and he was hurt pretty bad. At first I didn't believe it, so I asked him if he was okay, and eventually the guy was sick and tired of me questioning him, so he hands the phone to Logan. I heard him say in an incredibly weak tone to "please come here."  I get up, and googled the address of the hospital. I knew where it was, it was close to this lake I frequent at. Mind you, I wasn't at home - I stayed over at my friend's place. It was much further than it would've been if I stayed at my house. The buses weren't working, so I called a cab company. $100. Screw it - I thought. Google maps told me it would take me 3 hours to walk there. It probably would've taken 3.5 hours to get there, because I would've taken breaks. Again, I thought: screw it. Got out of bed, put my regular clothes on was on my ...

Tomorrow is the official birthday of the manipulative bitch.  It's 2 years old. This is so sweet.  How should I celebrate - any suggestions??

Hey guys, It's been a while... I needed to delete this blog. I didn't change the URL but I completely deleted it. I was missing the blog and all of your crazy comments. But don't get your hopes up - I didn't miss all the comments. You know who you are!! When I receive a comment on my blog, I receive an email. I was going through the emails, and was sad about letting this blog go. I logged into my blogger page, and tried to see if I could restore this page - turns out I could. I tried to resist the temptation of returning to this blog, but couldn't. So here I am. I did do some tiny experiments but nothing that lasted three days. Just about a day, whenever I got the chance to experiment, and I was alone. It wasn't the same not sharing it with you guys. So now back to the new identity experiment: the Italian engineer student. Firstly, I need to share the backstory. Where I'm from, public universities that are farther out offer online classes. So, I...

I can't believe I am continuously writing on here like a mad man. In fact, right now I feel like a mad man. I read over the first post about my recurring nightmare. Trying to figure this entire thing out so I can have a good night's rest. The part where the man in my dream wrote "I can't believe you've left me for another man - THAT DAY," What day? Yes, I've had a past where I have mistreated a partner's trust but I haven't done it this time. Well, I'm not dating anyone but seriously - I wouldn't go out, cheat or see any other people if I started seeing someone/got into something serious. I'll stay loyal and have done in the past. I have/had no temptations whatsoever to cheat on BA, even Logan when we were seeing each other. I didn't even see anyone when I met Robert. I'm a one man woman. Does that even make sense??? Is my mind just trying to come to terms with what I've done in the past??? I'm still shook. Yes, I kn...