Different Identities

Thomas?? :(

I know you're the only person who could see this blog, and seeing this. I just wanted to say that if you ever found it in your heart to forgive me for everything I've done for the last 4 years, then please send me a text, or better yet call me, come to my house--I don't care, just do something.  I'd do anything to be with you again and I know I fucked up all my chances, but you have done and said some things to me that were really hurtful, and I spent the last 3 years rebuilding myself up again. I actually thought there was something between us, and you're the only guy I haven't pushed away. I really wanted to try for you. I realize how silly I am, constantly going over and over the same BS that I put you through. I know I don't deserve another chance, but I promise I've changed after all our time apart. You were the only man I've ever loved. Without you, I'm miserable and I can't go through this life without you anymore. If you see this ...

go there :)

Wondrous dreams of a green care free world were interrupted with someone yelling at me. "Get up! You're taking me to the hospital!" "whatt?" I groaned as I was slowly waking up. "My eyes have been paining me for long time! Get ready!" If my eyes were opened - I would've glared at my grandma. Instead,  I glared at her in my sleepy mind. An hour later we arrive at the hospital surrounded by police cars. A security guard stood by the entrance. A man and woman were quietly speaking with the security guard,  a subtle panic in their voices... Will they get in? No one knew what was going on. Not the patients at least. The security guard announced they weren't allowing guests in - only patients... Fortunately we were granted entry. This is where it all began.... The hospital was filled with cops swarming all over the place. A tall,  bulky man answered questions quietly....  Heavy heaving echoed throughout the hospital as I watched the cha...

Ok, before I press the publish button on the Vienna post, I wanted to write this. Firstly, it's 7 a.m. I haven't slept.

What an odd thing to say isn't it? You guys remember him don't you? If you don't ... then I won't remind you lol. He sent me a long apology letter, explained himself and even told me how he did it, and how I need to amp up my computer security. In turn, he's given me some resources to better my programming skills. So why did I do it? Partly due to my "life is short" mentality, and I wanted to pick his brain a little. Understanding his mindset around that event, and was interested in his skill set. I am still a little pissed about it, but I am learning to move past that. I would've been okay with everything provided he did not post those pictures on his crappy blogger site. See, if he were to make the site a bit more presentable - I would've been more forgiving! Just kidding. But it is unfortunate those pictures are out on the internet now. We've now parted ways. A side note, I am still impressed by how quickly my cousin has tracked him down...

Random and quick post but there is this person who is trolling the manipulative bitch reputation. Here I'm more myself, but the manipulative bitch is kind of the main source of income I have, along with interest payments ... Anyways this person is somewhat sabotaging my rep  - but not too much... I was wondering if anyone was interested in countering this troll. I have an idea who it may be. I strongly suspect it is a female. So yes, this is totally random but if you are interested - contact me. There are a few ways - comments - Quora - yes I'm back on there, but as myself. I'm not on too often, and I've answered only two questions. Here's the link, and since most of you know what I look like now (somewhat) I don't mind sharing the link .  Phoebe new Quora - Email  scarlettkennedy101@gmail.com if you know my personal email address/personal cell phone - that'd be even better! I personally do not mind people bashing me, or spreading rumours/lies b...

I've always explored my "dark" sides/selves. The things I'm insecure about, the things I fear on a deeper level - no I'm not talking about spiders or something... I'm talking like existential angst/dread. I used to go on a site. I stopped pursuing it, but had one fond memory of a conversation I had with someone.... He asks me if I have a boyfriend/am actively seeking a serious relationship. I answer no. Further into the conversation he says that if I am seeking a relationship, I must fix any "personality" flaws/insecurities. To quote "Some people get into relationships thinking their problems will be fixed - but they only amplify them". From experience - an extremely vivid one - this is 100 percent true. See, this past year has been chaotic for me. Relationships, feelings, school, friendships, family shit - all one big mess. But here I'll talk about "relationships" that have proven that quote to be true... I've disco...

Two months ago I took a spontaneous trip to Europe. The primary reason this blog is back up. Four cities were in my itinerary: Berlin, Vienna, Paris, & Milan - respectively. I have family and/or friends in Vienna and Milano  - therefore I had limitations in exploring different identities/roles. Regardless of my restrictions - I managed to play around with different roles. Anyway, I've decided to document the role(s) in each city I played. I wanted to go in order, but in Berlin there weren't many or even any roles played... Except maybe adapting to any perceived cultural differences - but I didn't observe much, compared to North American culture... I do feel like the Germans I've come into contact with were very well spoken/mannered... a.k.a.... classy. :P My trip was a total of 11 days. I went back to my hometown for two weeks, desperately missed Europe and begged my family to purchase me a ticket back. They did not want to fund my accommodation - and rightfully ...

Hey, it's been a while.... Been busy but wanted to share a hilarious story with you guys. The other day I was at Starbucks with my 9 year old cousin. She's such a brat... I order a drink - guy asks me what my name is.. I say "x"... Bratty cousin says "NO !! IT'S ____" Ruined my efforts to start this blog up again!!

On Saturday night at around 3 a.m I received a phone call from an unknown number. This person told me Logan was in a fight that landed him in the hospital and he was hurt pretty bad. At first I didn't believe it, so I asked him if he was okay, and eventually the guy was sick and tired of me questioning him, so he hands the phone to Logan. I heard him say in an incredibly weak tone to "please come here."  I get up, and googled the address of the hospital. I knew where it was, it was close to this lake I frequent at. Mind you, I wasn't at home - I stayed over at my friend's place. It was much further than it would've been if I stayed at my house. The buses weren't working, so I called a cab company. $100. Screw it - I thought. Google maps told me it would take me 3 hours to walk there. It probably would've taken 3.5 hours to get there, because I would've taken breaks. Again, I thought: screw it. Got out of bed, put my regular clothes on was on my ...

Tomorrow is the official birthday of the manipulative bitch.  It's 2 years old. This is so sweet.  How should I celebrate - any suggestions??

Hey guys, It's been a while... I needed to delete this blog. I didn't change the URL but I completely deleted it. I was missing the blog and all of your crazy comments. But don't get your hopes up - I didn't miss all the comments. You know who you are!! When I receive a comment on my blog, I receive an email. I was going through the emails, and was sad about letting this blog go. I logged into my blogger page, and tried to see if I could restore this page - turns out I could. I tried to resist the temptation of returning to this blog, but couldn't. So here I am. I did do some tiny experiments but nothing that lasted three days. Just about a day, whenever I got the chance to experiment, and I was alone. It wasn't the same not sharing it with you guys. So now back to the new identity experiment: the Italian engineer student. Firstly, I need to share the backstory. Where I'm from, public universities that are farther out offer online classes. So, I...

I can't believe I am continuously writing on here like a mad man. In fact, right now I feel like a mad man. I read over the first post about my recurring nightmare. Trying to figure this entire thing out so I can have a good night's rest. The part where the man in my dream wrote "I can't believe you've left me for another man - THAT DAY," What day? Yes, I've had a past where I have mistreated a partner's trust but I haven't done it this time. Well, I'm not dating anyone but seriously - I wouldn't go out, cheat or see any other people if I started seeing someone/got into something serious. I'll stay loyal and have done in the past. I have/had no temptations whatsoever to cheat on BA, even Logan when we were seeing each other. I didn't even see anyone when I met Robert. I'm a one man woman. Does that even make sense??? Is my mind just trying to come to terms with what I've done in the past??? I'm still shook. Yes, I kn...

Okay so that eerie feeling just came over me again but I'm awake this time. I don't know who this man is, and again - I am hoping this is accumulating guilt I need to heal and deal with. This mystery man is unfortunately still a mystery man. In some ways he represents what my guilt comprises of. In the past I have experienced precognitive dreams, and they were never good. The dreams were always of death. I've had some amazing dreams that came true, but the ones that comprised of death happened to come true. That's why I'm so conflicted right now. Whoever mystery man is, please don't kill yourself over a girl (and if it's me -I'm so sorry), but it and never is worth it. I hope I can help you and make you want to live more than want to leave this world. You are needed here.

I didn't like sleeping to begin with, but now I despise sleeping even more. Why? Because of my recurring nightmares that continue to happen every single damn night. There are several variations of my nightmares but here is one of the most frightening one (to this date - I'm sure some other nightmare can potentially beat it).  Starts off with me waking up to a very dark room. A man's back is turned to me but I can't identify who it really is... An incredibly dreadful feeling comes over me as I realize I have no idea where I am. Who was this man? Why am I here? My fight or flight mode is starting to kick in, as I am sensing immense danger about to unfold. Again, the man's back is still turned to me. All I can gather is he is tall. I get up, and he doesn't acknowledge I'm out of the bed or my entire existence. It's almost as if I'm a ghost. He begins to sob, the sobbing becomes deeper and he buries his face in his hands. As he's sobbing he's ...

Isn't a lovely day to experience a glitch in the matrix? No one knows for sure why some people experience glitches. We all have our theories. Could we be living in a simulation? Parallel universes?? No one knows for sure. Whatever the cause may be - here are some of mine. The other day I was at the movie theatre and watched the movie It. Something was strange about that day, I kept having eerie feelings but didn't know why. Was something bizzare about to happen? I left in the middle of the movie for the bathroom. I go into the washroom and again, that eerie feeling hit me harder. I got out of the washroom stall and suddenly the washroom's appearance had changed. The walls were painted brown instead of beige when I initially walked in, and its length expanded.. I was confused and made sure I was in the right washroom - meaning I was actually in the women's washroom. I was -because other women were there washing their hands, and fixing their makeup etc. I shake it off, t...

I haven't been experimenting with new identities. Well I have, but not deliberately going out, trying to meet people and experiment with new personalities. I've been doing it on my own time, bringing out specific personalities/traits when the perfect circumstance calls for it. Daily activities/errands have made it difficult and undesirable to meet new people. I've discovered that playing around with new personalities/traits on my time has established growth. This is because if I rely on other people to bring out specific traits and/or personalities - the growth will be more external than internal. Internal change and experiments are what I was aiming for. It was also hard for me to go out and meet people just because they would want to keep in touch and I'd already lied about my life/was just experimenting with different personalities. Sometimes I don't want to keep in touch with specific people I've met during my experiment periods so I hold myself to the lie...

Hey everyone, I've been going through a transition, discovering who I am, and what is no longer serving me. This means friendships have been terminated, inner truths have been revealed, behavioural patterns are dying, and now I'm going through this period where I have no idea who I am. Therapy will do this to you, but that's a good thing. Things are fantastic but a bit rough. There's a lot of confusion on my end. I'm not reacting or responding to things the way I used to. In fact, I'm not reacting at all. It feels like all of the life has been sucked out of me, and I know I'm going into an isolation. I wonder if I should change my number, change all the locks to my floor and live life away from any human contact. From what I gather, I'm going through a depression which feels unbearable. Let's talk about Scarlett Kennedy. The Scarlett Kennedy persona is dying, and burnt out. She's done with men completely, wants nothing to do with anyone and...

Low and behold as we dive deep into the abyss of young officer Logan's  mind as he battles through feelings of intense displeasure. Along side is his trusty partner officer Edwards who feeds the intense displeasure with donuts, black coffee, daily moral affirmations and the like. By day officer Logan is fighting crime, bringing justice to his community,  rejecting and regretting  grand sexual favors from women he saves from men like him. By night,  he is Logan. Just Logan - without the uniform he experiences a deep sorrow that comes from taking off the uniform - his only identity he's proud of. His romantic interest, Scarlett Kennedy is also his arch nemesis. Scarlett Kennedy hides under a disguise: a woman's  body she had skinned and preserved for 21 cold blooded years. Her victims are men of wealth, affluence, power and status. She lures them with her proclaimed seductive gaze, but once in her bed - Scarlett reveals her true self. A green eyed monster, ...